1
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,178
MEREDITH: The memories bleed together.

2
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,139
But that's because so much of the time was the same.

3
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,101
The days all one spinning image.

4
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,646
A child assumes that her life is normal,

5
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,900
that everywhere children like
her exist in similar conditions.

6
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,737
I believed that.

7
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,615
Until I learned that things
could change, that I could change.

8
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,369
And then I began to look forward.

9
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,746
I watched Mother's face alternating between hard

10
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,458
and soft, like a picture in a book I had as a child.

11
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,876
Light to dark.

12
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,421
Depending on how I held my head.

13
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,883
I am doomed to make the same
mistakes, the same missteps Mother took.

14
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,844
The end unavoidable.

15
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:56,056
I never turn in time.

16
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,684
We didn't worry about clothes.

17
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,353
It seemed we could just dance
out of bed and across the bare-

18
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:05,732
boarded floors right into fabric, disappear.

19
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:09,235
Blending into the white of the walls.

20
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,656
This swirling, arching creature wasn't my mother.

21
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,076
She was a ballerina with a
bird flapping along the wall

22
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:20,163
then toward a window. A trapped and beautiful,

23
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,333
nearly extinct species.

24
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,961
[Tender Piano Music]

25
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,641
We don't know why we are sent out into relentless rain.

26
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,602
We're accustomed to doing what we don't understand.

27
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,272
The man says, 'Go, wear a
bucket on a rope around your waist.'

28
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,442
We do not point out that we
could collect rainwater just as easily

29
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:57,362
without ever setting foot outside.

30
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,906
The Man would never let me out.

31
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:03,660
Not without at least one of the women and a baby.

32
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,288
He has this way of looking me in
the eyes when he gives me direction.

33
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,542
He can tell my thoughts, but he cannot
punish me for what I hide deep inside.

34
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:16,256
Frustrated, he clamps his gray
lips shut and stomps his foot.

35
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,134
I would prefer to be sent out on a sunny day.

36
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,054
Or when the houses are all the same shade of gray.

37
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,931
The kind of gray I could step into

38
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,808
and disappear forever.

39
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,937
They know who we are.

40
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,649
They've all come close enough to the house
where the oaks lean and the bushes thicken.

41
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:38,319
Perhaps they think they should do something.

42
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,904
Call someone.

43
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,115
They won't.

44
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,117
They never will.

45
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,288
Rain or not, I am out of the house.

46
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,750
A treasure, no matter how black skies.

47
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,005
Pick up a foot and set it down.

48
00:04:58,047 --> 00:05:00,216
Repeat on the other side.

49
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,843
I could go on like this forever if needed.

50
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,055
I could take more without breaking.

51
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,849
I do this because I can.

52
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:11,436
I do this to show him how much stronger I am than Ruth.

53
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:18,192
[Ominous String Music]

54
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,720
He will see us coming down the trail to the house

55
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,347
and he will realize my ability to survive.

56
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,182
My overwhelming strength,

57
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,560
greater than he imagines.

58
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,647
I stand dripping.

59
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,400
Rain runs off my legs and feet
as he picks up the bucket of water

60
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,570
we've collected. A measure of our sin.

61
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:48,408
♪ [Low Strings] ♪

62
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,911
I hope the rain the Lord poured down

63
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:55,164
has rinsed you girls clean.

64
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,877
♪ [Low Strings] ♪

65
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:09,970
I used to think

66
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,181
if I heard nothing behind me, there was no one there.

67
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,935
That if I went to sleep in an
empty room, I'd wake up in one.

68
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,396
I was wrong.

69
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,941
I used to believe in sleep.

70
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,902
My dreams, the only tranquility.

71
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,697
Once I believe that when I
went to sleep, life was on hold.

72
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,367
The house suspended, nothing
moving, nothing kicking but my heart.

73
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,580
All those years I was oblivious to
the bear prowling the house at night.

74
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,873
No one else believed in him.

75
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,209
But I see the bear climbing from the closet.

76
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,004
I smell him in my room.

77
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:53,514
♪ [Childlike Music] ♪

78
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:12,658
♪ [Childlike Music] ♪

79
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:30,551
♪ [Sincere Strings] ♪

80
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,266
Did you hear him last night?

81
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,019
Him who?

82
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,895
The bear.

83
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,188
He was in my room

84
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,232
and then I heard him on the third floor.

85
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,445
I told you there are no bears this far south.

86
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:14,739
Besides

87
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,658
I keep this place bolted shut.

88
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,702
Top to bottom.

89
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,787
You know that.

90
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,417
You imagine too much.

91
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,172
You're just like your mother.

92
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,684
Bring me some more lemonade.

93
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,945
♪ Tense String Music ♪

94
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,159
[Bear Growling Ferociously]

95
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:04,080
[Meredith Screaming]

96
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:17,009
[Screaming and Growling Continues]

97
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,359
[Screaming and Growling Continues]

98
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,956
[Meredith Sobs Quietly]

99
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,714
There is no bear.

100
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,800
You were dreaming. Now go back to sleep.

101
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,977
I believe in the bear.

102
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,979
I know the feel of his weight on top of me.

103
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,272
The smell of his bear breath.

104
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,358
The satisfaction in his bear grunts.

105
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,487
If it were a dream, would I have
felt real sweat wiped on my neck?

106
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,158
Would the blood in my wrist pound
where his weight held me pinned?

107
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,217
How did you sleep?

108
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,677
What do you mean?

109
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,014
I slept.

110
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:49,059
The world was gone and now it's back again.

111
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,936
What did you dream?

112
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,981
I don't dream.

113
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,530
♪ Melancholy String Music ♪

114
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,353
I dreamt about you last night.

115
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,314
I dreamt

116
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,400
you were smothered by the weight of the great bear.

117
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,239
And we found you

118
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,283
frozen on your back.

119
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:50,746
Your clothes missing.

120
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,208
Your bed full of blood.

121
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,842
♪ Melancholy String Music Continues ♪

122
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,461
♪ Gentle Piano Music ♪

123
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,028
How many things would you die for, Mother?

124
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,908
And where are all the other people?

125
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,744
Where does that door lead?

126
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,996
Our doors lead nowhere.

127
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,711
Except for that one.

128
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,423
MEREDITH: Just that quickly

129
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,133
everything changed.

130
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:10,928
The floor gave me a splinter,
and Mother wanted to use the door.

131
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,105
What do you see, Mother?

132
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,357
I see freedom.

133
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,026
I see heaven.

134
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:58,559
♪ Mysterious Music ♪

135
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,036
[ Insects Sing ]

136
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:36,013
In the garden, Mother warned me about
the berries that grew around the house.

137
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,307
Telling me they were mostly poisonous.

138
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,786
Mother didn't seem to need me to be silent anymore,

139
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:03,665
so I sang away, running
through my dictionary of terms

140
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:10,839
MEREDITH: Worm, beetle, soil.

141
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:20,015
Root. Seedling. Potato. Dark.

142
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,978
Tree. Oak.

143
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,483
Pine. Flower.

144
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:32,611
Vegetable.

145
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:33,946
Ground.

146
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:35,989
Leaves.

147
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:38,826
Rocks.

148
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,235
♪ Somber Piano ♪

149
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,727
We can't leave.

150
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,689
So don't even ask.

151
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:56,195
[Thunder Rumbles]

152
00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:05,204
♪ Eerie String Music ♪

153
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,983
[Thunder Rumbles]

154
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,619
I know you want out.

155
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,120
But it's not safe.

156
00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:55,587
Now, I will find a reason to send you out.

157
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,258
But if you leave without my knowledge -

158
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,509
I promise you...

159
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,179
I know, I know. I promise.

160
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:08,100
Danger is coming, Meredith.

161
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,769
I know how to survive.

162
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,648
I will protect you and the others.

163
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,609
I will teach you.

164
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,740
[Music Fades]

165
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,091
♪ Childlike Music ♪

166
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:50,934
Ruth used to treat me

167
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,895
like a child, and Alicia talked
to me as if I were a sister.

168
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,481
But I am neither.

169
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,650
When I was a child here,

170
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:01,361
when my mother was here, the Man never got so crazy.

171
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:06,199
When my mother lived here, she was
the only woman and I the only child.

172
00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:09,202
The space seemed much more open then.

173
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:12,247
My mother would dance on the bare-boarded floors.

174
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:16,126
She would float, twirl, and
leap in her white nightgown.

175
00:22:20,922 --> 00:22:23,592
If the Man took Alicia and Ruth
into the woods and left them,

176
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,386
they would follow him back,
begging to be locked up again,

177
00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:30,057
promising anything if only he would
remove the burden of their freedom.

178
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,475
I am different.

179
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,602
I wear my restriction like a cloak.

180
00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:37,481
I have hope and this is what
keeps the light behind my eyes.

181
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:43,820
♪ Childlike Music Continues ♪

182
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:49,493
[Baby Sobs]

183
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,673
[Baby Sobs]

184
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:11,056
[Insects Sing]

185
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:13,141
I must be patient

186
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:16,978
in watching him, learning which tools do what.

187
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:47,217
I wonder if I could bolt into
the gray distance and disappear

188
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,802
along the tree line.

189
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,513
But there is still much more I must learn.

190
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,855
[Birds Chirp]

191
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,090
♪ Gentle Piano Music ♪

192
00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:17,742
The weeks accordion into months.

193
00:26:17,784 --> 00:26:20,495
In and out, as I sit heavy with the bear's child.

194
00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:24,916
Ruth and Alicia only sit and reproduce.

195
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:27,961
They eat like birds and flit about
as if they were shadows or ghosts.

196
00:26:29,170 --> 00:26:32,048
When I think of them, I am
reminded of wild animals kept caged

197
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,302
who come to love the safety of the
bars and the regularity of the food bowl.

198
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:48,690
The tension between my legs is a moss-covered rock.

199
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:50,567
A bowl of fruit...

200
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,277
a secret letter.

201
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:58,866
Someday, somehow, this sorrow will be appeased.

202
00:26:58,908 --> 00:27:01,369
This gaping wound inside patched.

203
00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:04,080
He believes he can shackle us by giving his children

204
00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:06,583
whom he thinks we cannot leave nor live without.

205
00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,543
Is that true?

206
00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,878
I must keep asking myself.

207
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,965
I've only live this way, in this house.

208
00:27:14,341 --> 00:27:16,843
But couldn't it be another way?

209
00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:32,233
The day has finally come for
me to go out beyond the farm.

210
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:35,153
I am to carry a bag of potatoes through the woods

211
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,656
and to the stream where I must wash each carefully.

212
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,203
The man has sent Ruth and

213
00:27:44,245 --> 00:27:46,623
Alicia with me to learn the way.

214
00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:50,418
Finally,

215
00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:52,921
I can take long, full breaths without crying.

216
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,757
I can stretch my spine and flex my feet.

217
00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:58,843
It was dangerous of him to let me out.

218
00:28:01,888 --> 00:28:04,849
♪ Pensive Strings ♪

219
00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:13,483
I memorize the lists, the tricks I need to know

220
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:17,862
which roots, which berries, the stations of the sun.

221
00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:48,268
[Rush of Stream]

222
00:29:07,328 --> 00:29:08,830
Hello, friend.

223
00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:23,762
[Girls Giggle]

224
00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:26,848
How do you survive alone?

225
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:29,350
That's the second most important question.

226
00:30:02,091 --> 00:30:04,385
These are no good, Meredith.

227
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:14,437
Do you see?

228
00:30:23,655 --> 00:30:25,198
See?

229
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:47,262
♪ Melancholy Strings ♪

230
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:21,963
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

231
00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:28,845
♪ Melancholy Strings ♪

232
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:36,352
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

233
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:10,845
[Porch Swing Creaks]

234
00:32:13,389 --> 00:32:16,351
♪ Ominous Strings ♪

235
00:32:27,236 --> 00:32:30,489
When the man returns from town
with razors, the women know what to do

236
00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:31,366
with them.

237
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:35,662
On the third floor, I help them
shave up and down their legs.

238
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:37,330
Up and down their arms.

239
00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:40,917
Under their arms, even across
the knuckles of their toes.

240
00:32:48,174 --> 00:32:51,135
♪ Ominous Strings ♪

241
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:01,187
♪ Ominous Strings ♪

242
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:10,863
Once they have finished shaving the women

243
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:13,950
they look deep into my eyes
with that secret look they give me.

244
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,370
What is it they think I don't know?

245
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:26,713
♪ Playful Piano ♪

246
00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,734
The part I enjoyed the most
is when mother would talk of

247
00:34:29,776 --> 00:34:33,154
being in a world where she could
move independently up and down streets.

248
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:37,325
Somewhere, the man who would
become my father watched too.

249
00:35:01,557 --> 00:35:03,851
He looked at mother and knew she was an able woman.

250
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:07,355
A woman who could do necessary work.

251
00:36:08,958 --> 00:36:10,709
Some days I would turn around to face Mother

252
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:12,253
and she would have gone dark again.

253
00:36:17,133 --> 00:36:20,386
I remember before you were born.

254
00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:22,638
I woke with dread.

255
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:26,142
I went to bed with dread.

256
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:30,021
I slept with it.

257
00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:35,067
♪ Sorrowful Piano ♪

258
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:05,556
Meredith.

259
00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:12,313
Thank you, Lord, for the bounty laid before us.

260
00:37:12,813 --> 00:37:16,067
May we use it to nourish our
bodies and thee to nourish our souls.

261
00:37:17,109 --> 00:37:19,362
Make us ever mindful of the needs of others

262
00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:21,656
and the needs of our survival.

263
00:37:22,114 --> 00:37:23,491
Through Christ Our Lord.

264
00:37:23,866 --> 00:37:25,034
Amen.

265
00:37:37,546 --> 00:37:39,090
Aren't you hungry?

266
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:42,343
You don't eat.

267
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:44,762
You don't live.

268
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,015
You don't eat, the baby doesn't eat.

269
00:37:49,809 --> 00:37:52,270
Do you understand?

270
00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:11,163
[Strong Wind]

271
00:38:12,832 --> 00:38:15,793
♪ Melancholy Strings ♪

272
00:38:25,928 --> 00:38:26,804
After all these years

273
00:38:26,846 --> 00:38:29,849
she's been gone, I can still smell
the lavender sent in her clothes.

274
00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,436
If I were to run, to make my escape,

275
00:38:33,769 --> 00:38:36,480
I could never take all of Mother's things with me.

276
00:38:36,522 --> 00:38:38,899
They would be left behind here to rot or be used

277
00:38:38,941 --> 00:38:41,027
by some new woman.

278
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:51,203
I think of what I will have if I find a way to leave

279
00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:56,667
these feet, these hands, my
hair and eyes, my rotten tomatoes.

280
00:38:57,126 --> 00:39:01,297
And this baby, which will be half-bear,
half-me, and everything I come from.

281
00:39:02,381 --> 00:39:04,591
I don't know which is worse.

282
00:39:04,633 --> 00:39:07,344
My window of escape narrows.

283
00:39:07,386 --> 00:39:08,929
If I don't leave soon, the door will shut

284
00:39:08,971 --> 00:39:12,933
and I will have no choice but to join
Ruth and Alicia at their dressing tables.

285
00:39:13,392 --> 00:39:15,644
I cannot pretend any longer.

286
00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:17,730
Not with this belly.

287
00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:31,535
I do not know how to leave.

288
00:39:31,577 --> 00:39:35,289
How to snap the only band
that connects me to anything.

289
00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:37,666
I don't know how to set down
this baby and walk out the way

290
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,710
my mother left me.

291
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:48,511
♪ Beautiful Strings Build to a Crescendo ♪

292
00:39:54,934 --> 00:40:02,934
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

293
00:40:05,444 --> 00:40:13,444
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

294
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:26,249
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

295
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:39,512
[Musical Voices] ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

296
00:41:28,777 --> 00:41:36,777
how perfect calm

297
00:41:58,098 --> 00:41:59,683
When I think about leaving,

298
00:41:59,725 --> 00:42:02,311
I realize it's a kind of love I feel for all of them.

299
00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:06,649
And it's the worst kind because
it's so unbreakable and horrible.

300
00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:12,279
And you stalwart for pain
melancholy when I should be enraged.

301
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,449
My love is fractured all around the house

302
00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:18,577
And I can't gathered up in my
skirt or sneak it into my pockets

303
00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:23,082
if I leave, I will leave my love behind.

304
00:42:23,999 --> 00:42:26,376
If I stay, I am a collaborator in my own

305
00:42:26,418 --> 00:42:27,711
betrayal.

306
00:42:31,590 --> 00:42:32,591
If I stay,

307
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:35,135
I will be answered no to the most important question

308
00:42:45,271 --> 00:42:47,523
in the mornings I do my planning.

309
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,859
I diagram the house on one
sheet, writing out all the things

310
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:53,112
I must leave behind.

311
00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:56,657
I am meticulous about every detail of the rooms.

312
00:42:57,324 --> 00:42:59,868
I record their colors, textures, smells.

313
00:43:00,494 --> 00:43:02,412
I chart everything that happened in this house.

314
00:43:02,454 --> 00:43:06,750
So I will remember marking my life
in the small squares that delineate

315
00:43:06,792 --> 00:43:08,002
each room

316
00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:00,971
on the back of the paper.

317
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:02,973
I draw the yard and barn.

318
00:44:03,015 --> 00:44:06,769
I plot the garden and show how
the backfield ends in a forest of trees.

319
00:44:07,519 --> 00:44:09,855
This will be my anchor when I am beyond the forest.

320
00:44:22,117 --> 00:44:23,327
The town myself and a

321
00:44:23,369 --> 00:44:26,538
larger city to the northeast.

322
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,710
East has become my magic word

323
00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:35,213
The last sheet of paper

324
00:44:35,255 --> 00:44:38,467
is reserved for my list, the supplies I will need for

325
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:42,512
the baby, food that will
travel without spoiling a record.

326
00:44:42,554 --> 00:44:45,807
When the man sleeps deepest,
which nights the bear comes

327
00:44:45,849 --> 00:44:48,185
in, from which direction

328
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:08,372
Over the months, I have taken dried pieces of meat,

329
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:11,917
candles, two bottles of water,
from a special room in the cellar.

330
00:45:12,751 --> 00:45:16,672
I did it gradually so you wouldn't notice

331
00:45:24,847 --> 00:45:27,057
I have learned of sleeping habits.

332
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,851
This is when I rummage through supplies.

333
00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:31,937
I know him better than anyone I might love

334
00:45:33,939 --> 00:45:35,941
I've learned to be clever and unhurried.

335
00:45:36,483 --> 00:45:39,486
I must be just as smart as he is and twice as watchful.

336
00:45:41,780 --> 00:45:42,823
Survival.

337
00:45:42,865 --> 00:45:44,783
This has become my mantra.

338
00:45:44,825 --> 00:45:47,703
Survival is all that matters.

339
00:45:54,710 --> 00:45:57,254
Some days, I fear I have waited too long to escape.

340
00:45:57,838 --> 00:46:00,716
That I'm no different from Ruth and Alicia.

341
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:02,176
Can I leave?

342
00:46:02,342 --> 00:46:05,596
If given the opportunity, would
I be able to leave the only floors,

343
00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:09,183
the only smells I have ever known

344
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:21,403
I learn new facts and lessons,

345
00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:24,948
recipes, family stories, dreams and reality.

346
00:46:24,990 --> 00:46:26,617
Known together.

347
00:46:26,950 --> 00:46:29,453
Voices are whispered in my ear.

348
00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:32,080
I turned to them only to find shadows.

349
00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:35,125
I'm often confused, being told one thing then another.

350
00:46:36,084 --> 00:46:38,503
'Meet me in the field' one voice says.

351
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:40,589
'Roll over' says another.

352
00:46:42,174 --> 00:46:46,345
[Bear Grunting]

353
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:48,597
Bear: Meredith.

354
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:51,099
Don't call me that.

355
00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:53,852
Call me midnight.

356
00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:56,271
Call me dirt.

357
00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:58,440
[Bear Grunts Fade Away]

358
00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:02,736
Mother had told me

359
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:06,031
what to expect from my body,
and I watched as it happened.

360
00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:11,787
I felt myself pulled heavy in the pelvis
and saw how much my body could support.

361
00:47:14,373 --> 00:47:17,334
♪ Ethereal Music ♪

362
00:47:20,754 --> 00:47:22,464
[Inaudible Whispering]

363
00:47:24,132 --> 00:47:25,592
Mother (whispered): Now you're a young woman.

364
00:47:27,427 --> 00:47:28,887
Mother (whispered): Now you're a young woman.

365
00:47:30,764 --> 00:47:32,224
Mother (whispered): Now you're a young woman.

366
00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:40,858
♪ Ethereal Music ♪

367
00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:57,457
Those were the quiet years.

368
00:47:57,499 --> 00:48:00,085
The room no longer spun through space in a white blur.

369
00:48:00,794 --> 00:48:04,590
We only got older. We no longer sang or danced.

370
00:48:05,507 --> 00:48:08,594
The room lived without sound.

371
00:48:15,017 --> 00:48:16,351
Sometimes it got so quiet

372
00:48:16,393 --> 00:48:19,146
I could hear the interchanging
of my heartbeat with Mother's.

373
00:48:19,855 --> 00:48:22,566
The thud channeling back and
forth through the floorboards.

374
00:48:28,238 --> 00:48:31,158
Meredith: Let's imagine where we'll be in ten years.

375
00:48:32,242 --> 00:48:34,912
Mother: You'll be ten years older.

376
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:41,001
♪ Tense Strings ♪

377
00:48:46,131 --> 00:48:48,216
Where will I be tomorrow?

378
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:50,969
One day older.

379
00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:53,513
Where was I yesterday?

380
00:48:53,555 --> 00:48:56,391
You were sitting in front of
me in your yellow nightgown

381
00:48:57,476 --> 00:49:00,604
while I braided your hair and sang Frère Jacques.

382
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:04,024
Mother...

383
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:07,277
that was years ago.

384
00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:22,250
♪ Tense Strings Build ♪

385
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:40,978
♪ Percussive Knocking ♪

386
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:11,508
♪ Percussion Builds to Climax ♪

387
00:50:16,304 --> 00:50:19,266
♪ Percussion Builds to Climax ♪

388
00:50:26,773 --> 00:50:29,735
♪ Percussion Builds to Climax ♪

389
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:39,161
[Birds Chirp]

390
00:51:05,353 --> 00:51:08,607
Meredith: ♪ Give me a rose in the winter time ♪

391
00:51:10,025 --> 00:51:13,612
♪ For it's hard to find ♪

392
00:51:14,237 --> 00:51:17,365
♪ Give me a rose in the winter time ♪

393
00:51:17,407 --> 00:51:21,995
♪ I've got roses on my mind ♪

394
00:51:25,373 --> 00:51:28,335
[Crow Caws]

395
00:51:31,922 --> 00:51:34,424
[Meredith Hums]

396
00:51:34,466 --> 00:51:36,676
My little baby.

397
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:40,013
My little crooner.

398
00:51:42,724 --> 00:51:44,518
My little Meredith.

399
00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:48,855
No, Mother, those are bad!

400
00:51:50,148 --> 00:51:51,566
Come with me.

401
00:51:51,983 --> 00:51:53,527
No.

402
00:51:54,861 --> 00:51:56,238
[Mother Chokes on Poison Berries]

403
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:59,157
Meredith: No. Mother: Say 'yes'.

404
00:51:59,699 --> 00:52:02,661
Meredith: No...

405
00:52:04,996 --> 00:52:07,040
It's okay.

406
00:52:08,375 --> 00:52:11,336
Mother: My sweet baby. Meredith: Don't ever leave me.

407
00:52:11,795 --> 00:52:14,714
- My little baby. - My ballerina.

408
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,759
My purple flower.

409
00:52:18,009 --> 00:52:19,928
- Say 'yes'. - Don't ever go.

410
00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:22,264
Say 'yes'.

411
00:52:24,516 --> 00:52:27,352
I'll go.

412
00:52:27,811 --> 00:52:30,772
My little girl.

413
00:52:33,900 --> 00:52:36,069
Mother!

414
00:52:36,945 --> 00:52:40,824
No!!!

415
00:52:44,119 --> 00:52:47,998
No!!!

416
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:52,544
♪ Melancholy Strings ♪

417
00:52:53,962 --> 00:52:56,923
[Inaudible Screams]

418
00:53:18,236 --> 00:53:21,198
[Birds Chirp]

419
00:53:24,117 --> 00:53:27,078
[Wind Blows]

420
00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:48,767
♪ Tense Music ♪

421
00:53:59,277 --> 00:54:02,239
♪ Tense Music ♪

422
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:16,628
♪ Tense Music ♪

423
00:54:26,721 --> 00:54:29,683
♪ Tense Music ♪

424
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:22,902
In the morning, he will find my footprints

425
00:55:22,944 --> 00:55:25,071
but I will have vanished.

426
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,282
I will be forgotten the way they forgot my mother.

427
00:55:28,283 --> 00:55:32,078
Over time, the babies will stop asking for me.

428
00:55:35,832 --> 00:55:38,793
♪ Haunting Music ♪

429
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:54,225
♪ Haunting Music ♪

430
00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:20,269
I have traveled east.

431
00:57:20,311 --> 00:57:23,148
East so far now that I am off the edge of my map.

432
00:57:24,065 --> 00:57:26,860
Already I wish it were more beautiful.

433
00:57:55,221 --> 00:57:57,348
My mother had a Bible and she would read to me.

434
00:57:58,391 --> 00:58:00,810
She told me prayers when we were alone.

435
00:58:00,852 --> 00:58:06,483
Whispering them into my ear with her dry voice,
saying, 'Someday you'll need this, Meredith'.

436
00:58:08,026 --> 00:58:09,569
She was right.

437
00:58:10,236 --> 00:58:12,405
I need a prayer now.

438
00:58:18,536 --> 00:58:21,330
I whisper to myself to just keep moving.

439
00:58:21,372 --> 00:58:23,791
My arms and legs keep moving somehow.

440
00:58:23,833 --> 00:58:26,002
In spite of the cold.

441
00:58:30,381 --> 00:58:32,508
East, I think, with every kick.

442
00:58:32,550 --> 00:58:34,844
East, I think, instead of remembering my blanket

443
00:58:34,886 --> 00:58:38,389
in the quiet darkness of the
house on the warm bear-less nights.

444
00:58:39,182 --> 00:58:41,350
I try to remember the discomfort.

445
00:58:41,392 --> 00:58:44,062
I imagine the absurdity of
raising my baby in that house.

446
00:58:44,604 --> 00:58:48,608
I force myself to picture my half-bear
infant sequestered on the third floor.

447
00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:51,527
My hair growing long enough to reach my feet.

448
00:58:51,569 --> 00:58:54,364
Instead, I choose freedom.

449
01:00:40,553 --> 01:00:43,514
[Wind Blows]

450
01:01:32,980 --> 01:01:33,620
♪ Voices ♪

451
01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:05,861
♪ Voices ♪

452
01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:30,761
♪ Voices ♪

453
01:03:04,405 --> 01:03:07,366
[Infant Sobs]

454
01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:20,338
♪ Ominous Strings ♪

455
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:38,064
♪ Ominous Strings ♪

456
01:03:45,530 --> 01:03:48,491
[Infant Sobs]

457
01:03:51,994 --> 01:03:56,249
♪ ♪

458
01:04:28,072 --> 01:04:34,161
If I take this child to my breast
just once, she will be mine forever.

459
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:38,624
[Infant Cries Quietly]

460
01:04:46,632 --> 01:04:49,594
♪ Intense Music Elevates ♪

461
01:05:03,107 --> 01:05:06,068
♪ Intense Music Elevates ♪

462
01:05:41,479 --> 01:05:44,440
♪ Haunting Music Builds ♪

463
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,611
If the man were here, I would
tell him that survival is simple.

464
01:06:31,487 --> 01:06:33,614
Survival is in the body.

465
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:37,243
It is faith I am choking on.

466
01:07:01,642 --> 01:07:02,727
My body...

467
01:07:03,144 --> 01:07:07,648
ravenous and empty, feels as
weightless and unbreakable as a ghost.

468
01:07:10,985 --> 01:07:13,946
♪ Triumphant Music ♪

469
01:07:31,881 --> 01:07:33,549
If the man were here now,

470
01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:36,427
I would tell him that survival is easy.

471
01:07:36,469 --> 01:07:39,138
It is nothing but a serrated
stone that you must swallow,

472
01:07:39,764 --> 01:07:42,683
cough up, and swallow again.

473
01:07:50,941 --> 01:07:53,903
♪ Triumphant Music Intensifies ♪

474
01:08:08,709 --> 01:08:10,169
From where I sit...

475
01:08:10,211 --> 01:08:12,046
from where she must have sat...

476
01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:16,008
I see a tiny p